Kurt reads his fanfiction
by snyper
Summary: A story/rant on people who don't even bother trying to write well. Includes some non-story tips on improving, since I don't want to be a completely negative person. Oneshot.


Because people need to start caring. LOL.

EDIT: Thanks for all the feedback, positive AND negative. I don't believe I'm being hypocritical, since I specifically state that I'm not ranting about those that are honestly trying to improve (ooh, ooh, pick me!), but thanks for all the tips. I think the one-liner dialogue was appropriate in this case, because in my experience people don't monologue early on saturday mornings (I've had conversations that consisted of three-word sentences and grunts), but writing realistic dialogue is something I struggle with regularly. Thanks for the tip on choppy dialogue, Slightly Irked. I try and include as much detail as possible, but I guess I needed someone to tell me that specifically for it to really register consciously. Thanks again to everybody who reviewed!

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Rogue walked in on her younger brother, absentmindedly munching on a bagel.

"Hey, Kurt. What're you doing?"

Kurt was up awfully early for a saturday morning. Usually he could sleep 'till noon, but today he was up at 7:30.

"Oh, he Rogue. I'm googling fanfiction."

"Fanfiction for what?" Rogue inquired, a bit interested, but mostly to be polite.

"Us. We're big celebrities, naturally."

"Ha. I wish. Although I couldn't stand the publicity and paparazzi," Rogue responded.

"No, really! There's like twelve thousand stories on this website alone!" Kurt explained with much enthusiasm.

"Have you read any yet?"

"No, I just sat down."

Rogue set her bagel down, suddenly more interested in stories about her than her breakfast.

"This one looks good," Kurt declared. "Nightcrawler and Kitty."

He clicked, feeling slightly dirty at vicariously wooing the short brunette.

"Let's skip to the good part, shall we?" he asked, grinning and going to a chapter called "Together at Last".

His eyes scanned the page. The word "naked" caught his eye, and he scrolled down to read the paragraph. Rogue was watching disapprovingly, but secretly interested. Kurt's eyes got bigger and bigger the more he read.

"Whoa!" Rogue suddenly exclaimed, reading a bit ahead. "I don't think Kitty would EVER do that, even if she was married!"

"I think I'm going to be sick," Kurt announced. "I'm going to another one."

He finally selected one.

"Wow, I apparently don't speak in complete sentences," Rogue observed sarcastically.

"Kurt, how would like food breakfast is soon," she mocked, practically doubled over in laughter.

"More like 'd00d u tink we can has go t0 the park tooday. said kkurt.'"

"Wow. How do you manage to TALK in l33t speak?"

Kurt grinned.

"Just one of the many talents possessed by yours truly. Another is breaking the fourth wall, like so:

HEY! If you're reading this, and you're a writer, please take this as a plea to keep characters in character, and to use proper grammar and spelling. Thanks a bunch!"

"Good stories sure are few and far between, huh?" Rogue observed.

"Sure. And a lot of people are trying their best and just need some practice, but seriously. Some of these people aren't even caring!"

Kurt looked disgusted, and Rogue squinted at the screen.

"Am I reading that right?" she asked.

"Rogue turned on Miley Cyrus, who was her favorite musician ever, especially now that she was her own musician with her own CDs! She idolized her, even dressing up like her sometimes. Rogue wore a slightly revealing tank top, a miniskirt, and green converse low tops," Kurt read.

"Now I really am going to be sick," he wheezed.

"I'd never listen to ANYTHING pop," declared Rogue, cranking up the death metal on her GeneriPod as if she needed to wash the sound out of her ears with bone-rattling vibrations. "And I'm NOT putting on a tank top, regardless of how sexy I'd look. Miniskirt? Please. I wouldn't touch one with a ten foot pole.

Kurt thought of something dirty he could say, but he held it in.

"And since when am I the poster girl for whatever brands this author loves?"

Kurt turned off the computer.

"Stuff like this makes me not want to read any more. Let's go get something to eat."

Rogue picked up her bagel and followed him out.

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Hey, writers! If you honestly have trouble writing and are trying to improve, I'm not talking about you in the above indirect rant. As a natural writer, I have trouble comprehending other people not being able to do the same, but I still know that not everyone can. That's OK. However, those of you who don't care, don't re-read before posting, don't check spelling/grammar, and go out of character really get on my nerves.

Please:

Take a few minutes to spell-check. I misspell words a LOT, especially when I'm typing in a big stream of consciousness (I actually misspelled consciousness at first), so when I'm done, I spellcheck.

At least read a book on grammar in your spare time. You shouldn't need to, since most third graders know all about the proper usage of all the punctuation you're misusing. Even Cannonball, who never studies. And no l33t speak. Nobody likes it, and nobody will read your fanfic if you use it. EVER. And yes, I actually have seen this in a fanfic.

You don't need a large vocabulary, but please don't just use really short words. Compare:

"Kurt looked at Rogue, who watched the screen and had a look on her face as if she wanted to puke."

VS

"Kurt glanced at Rogue, who watched the screen, riveted but also sickened at the detailed description of her night with Gambit."

Neither is a super-amazing work of great literature™, but which would you rather read in a story? Also notice how it has a slight rhythm (another word I misspelled in the first draft, but fixed with spellcheck. nobody's perfect) to it, and flows off the tongue. The first one almost sounds monotone in your head, doesn't it?

Try and get inside the characters' heads. You know Rogue is a loner, a goth, a bit antisocial, and insecure. So does she go to a classmate's Sweet 16? I doubt it, unless she decides to stand in the back and leave early. On a contrasting note, is Kurt going to say he can't go, because he has homework that's due in two days? Heck no! He'll be out in the middle of things, dancing until everyone else is gone! These are more obvious examples, and staying in character all the time is HARD, even for me, but it gets better with practice. And nobody wants to read a fanfic where Rogue is, say "acting giddy as a schoolgirl" or Kurt "brooded, contemplating the issue"

. In general, anyway. If you're going to change the personalities, you might as well come up with your own characters.

People (read: me) get turned off when they read "better than it sounds" in the summary. I know a lot of really good stories lurk behind such turn-offable descriptions, so why don't you spend some time on it and make it as good as your story? Compare:

"Kitty's parents turn out to be mutants, and they want to stay at the institute. Better than it sounds. Please read."

VS

"Kitty's mother suddenly develops the ability to change her shape. Professor X offers to help, but the only thing worse than ONE Pryde in the house is two. And the only thing worse than that is when they share a room."

That's essentially the same story, but which one would you read? I thought so.

Remember, writing takes practice, and I completely respect you for sticking with it and improving, regardless of how crappy you are at first. I read one the other day where someone flamed because the author wrote a 500ish word (read: short) chapter with practically no capitalization, punctuation, or engrossing dialogue. Rather than get angry, pout, give up on writing, or write another half dozen badly-written fanfics, what did this author do? This author revised the chapter. It wasn't brilliantly good even after it was finished, but you know what? I READ IT. The improvement was amazing, and even after just a few re-wordings , spell checks, and grammar fixes (OK, maybe more than a few, but it can't have taken too long), it was completely readable. And you know what? I'm going to read more when the author updates, because I know that this is a person who actually cares, and wants to improve, so they'll do better and better. And if you want to improve, YOU WILL. I guarantee it. I misspelled "guarantee" in the first draft too, by the way. Peace out and keep writing!

~snyper, Rogue, and Kurt


End file.
